LOT Moments

New Year, Same 👑 Queen

If you’re expecting this to be a typical New Years post where you’ll read all about the ins and outs of my 2018, don’t. This is not that type of post. This post is about what you can expect from me in 2019. Without going into much detail at all, 2018 was definitely another year filled with a tremendous amount of good and bad changes, pressure, and growth.

I’ve been placed in a plethora of situations this year where I’ve had to hold my tongue or gotten in trouble for doing the opposite, unwarrantedly be the bigger person, apologize to the undeserving, accept apologies I was never given, fake it till I make it, and walk on eggshells around certain people. I’ve been surrounded by individuals who wasted my time, took of my energy, took from me in general with no reciprocation, played with my emotions (hell, played me in general), took me for granted, lied on me, used me, abused me, made broken promises, and labeled me as things that I am not such as “bully” or “narcissist.” This list isn’t even the half of it. I just don’t have time to list all the wrongs and replay all the nonsense from 2018. Each of those situations and each of those individuals were both blessings and lessons simultaneously.

I’m sure your wondering how all that bad can be both a blessing and a lesson, it’s actually quite simple. To break it down, all the bad situations that occurred and all the individuals that tried to wrong me were all varying amounts of pressure placed on me to be better and do better. Just like this excerpt from one of my previous post WOW: No Pressure, No Diamonds (take a read if you haven’t already), “As most know, diamonds are formed under extreme amounts pressure. How they become diamonds though is the beauty of it all, they start out as a chunk of charcoal that handles stress exceptionally well. Therefore like diamonds, we can grow positively in many aspects from the right amount of pressure and stress. It starts by embracing your charcoal phase and taking the negative connotation out of pressure and using the stress that comes along with it as a driving force to propel yourself in the right direction.

In light of that excerpt I have taken all the negative situations and individuals from 2018 and used them and all that negative energy and pressure to open up my mind and my eyes and propel me into a positive light. Below are the changes you can expect from me in the new year.

THINGS I WILL NO LONGER DO NOR TOLERATE:

  1. I will no longer walk on egg shells or put water in my mouth around people who are too sensitive to handle the blunt truth. I was never raised to feed around the bush or sugar coat things so I’m not about change that for anyone (family, friends, associates, etc). If you want me to tell you the truth or you would like my honest opinion than please be sure you’re able to handle what I have to say or DON’T ASK ME AT ALL.
  2.  I will no longer tolerate takers, users, abusers, liars, fakes, those who take of any part of me without reciprocation and those who say things and don’t follow through with action. It’s one strike and I’m through with you. My time and energy are just as precious as yours and they are not to be played with or wasted.
  3. I will no longer tolerate little boys (because they damn sure ain’t men) who #WasteMyTime and lack the ability to hold an intellectual conversation and communicate more than “wyd?”. If your intentions are solely to hook up with me or use me as a side piece or to cheat on your “so-called” girlfriend (thinking that I won’t find out) while y’all are on a “supposed” break or when y’all are still together, DON’T. I usually find out and I will ensure that she finds out your true character as well. I have no mercy and will screenshot everything and put you on blast in a hot minute. It’s a privilege to get to know me and/or date me. I’m not here for your entertainment. I am more than what meets the eye and I expect that to be recognized and treated accordingly.
  4. I will no longer tolerate excuses such as “you’re intimidating,” “you’re too blunt,” “you’re too independent,” blah, blah, blah! Those are weak-minded excuses. I am NOT responsible for how others feel about me. I will continue to be me unapologetically in the loudest and most unconventional way possible. If you can’t handle that than grow a pair or come back and talk to me when your balls drop. I will NOT stop being who I am to protect your feelings or cater to your insecurities.
  5. Here’s a BIG one, for those who only contact me when they want or need something (therapeutically, materialistically, monetarily, etc.), DONT. I will no longer be used at your expense or convenience. We all make time for who and what we want and if you can’t genuinely do that without any strings attached, than LEAVE ME ALONE.
  6. I will no longer allow my space to be invaded or occupied by individuals whose intentions are to put me down or make me feel less than. I’m not giving anyone that type of power over me, such as those who use me, abuse me, or call me things that I am not (bully, narcissist, etc). I know who I am, a young Queen and whose I am, a child of God and I will not tolerate being treated as anything less to the point that it gets the best of me in any way, shape or form.
  7. I generally take on the role of the bigger person almost all the damn time and most of the time I’m not even in the wrong. I’ve given apologies to undeserving individuals and accepted apologies I was never given (forgiving a person that wasn’t even sorry is strength). Hope y’all enjoyed that this year because 2019 I will no longer be doing it. It’s not worth my energy or sanity. I’ll wait until people can get their act together and come back respectfully, if they can’t, well we know where we stand.

THINGS I WILL BEGIN DOING:

  1. I will protect my energy by focusing on myself and the things I want and need for myself and my life. I will not mind others business. People naturally come to me to vent, gossip, or spread drama, which is fine to an extent. As a soon-to-be therapist I sincerely appreciate that people feel comfortable opening up to me about a wide range of things but with that being the case, if you come to me with gossip or drama, don’t expect me to say much at all, I’ll damn near be mute. Just how others can bring news to me they can carry it. I don’t want my name in anyone’s mouth with that he said, she said nonsense. I’m here to help if needed but not be involved in any drama or mess.
  2. I will make more moves, less announcements. I’ve never been an open book and this book entitled Life of Tai is about to become that much more hard to open and read into.
  3. I will love the absolute hell out of myself in every which way I can and feel no shame in my game. Call me vein, call me conceited, call me whatever you’d like but there comes a point in life where you start to scream the loudest for yourself because no one ever did. No one can love you like you can love yourself.
  4. I will surround myself with down to mars, genuine, real, light-filled beings who are supportive of who I am, the things I do, motivate me to be and do better and know what the word reciprocation means.
  5. I will ensure that while working full-time, being a full-time graduate student, and interning that I make time for things and individuals that provide me with support, much needed therapeutic relief, leisure, and happiness. Essentially finding a balance between working hard and playing even harder. More dressing up, going out (alone or with like-minded company), traveling, road trips, concerts, festivals, dancing, writing, working out, and indulging in new things (food, activities, ventures).
  6. I will treat others the way they deserve to be treated whether that’s good or bad. If you do right by me, I’ll do right by you. On the other hand if you do wrong by me I’m going to remove you from my life, ignore you like you don’t exist, and let Karma have her way with you.
  7. I will take more risks and step outside of my hermit shell more. I tend to underestimate and limit myself and my abilities and close myself off from opportunities because that “not enough” voice goes off in my head. No more. It’s time for me to give myself a fair chance at the things I don’t feel like I’m worthy of doing or becoming. It’s time to let my full potential shine through. It’s glow up season.

Whoo! That was a LOT! But it had to be written, it had to be read, it had to be heard for myself and for those in the back who probably need me to scream it a little louder. As this year comes to its end, I want to sincerely thank 2018 and all of its ups, downs, good and bad people for providing me with the much needed insight, changes, pressure, and growth I needed to be in this uplifted, light-filled place and positive mindset. I’m proud to say that aside from that I’m ending this year debt free, money stashed and saved, in good health and strength (all 10 fingers, toes, two eyes, a nose, mouth, and disease free), single (no mingle), cleansed social media accounts from toxic beings and reminiscing on 52.143 weeks in the year of good things.

— Side note, for those of you who don’t know what I meant by the 52.143 weeks in a year of good things, I’m referring to my “Good Things” jar. Each Sunday I place a note into my jar of something good or positive that’s happened to me that week. This is to ensure that on New Years Eve when I open my jar and read through each note, rather than reflecting on all the negatives which can make an entire year seem glum, I focus on all the things that made that year good. I’ve done this for the last year and this will be the second year I’m doing it. If you haven’t already you should try it, it’s very therapeutic and a great way to wrap up the year. On that note, a new year may be approaching but I’m still the same Queen, just tolerating less bs! Cheers to 2019 and all that it has in store for you and me! Thanks for reading all my posts this year!

Continue to experience the Life of Tai in my next post…

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Living|Learning|Growing

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