Everyone goes through it. It’s a part of life. It’s what keeps the cycle going. For you and I, it’s no secret what I’m talking about- setbacks and comebacks. Life has a way of doing this thing called, throwing a curve ball (or curve balls). Life pitches its wicked curve ball when everything is going good, when you least expect it and when you’re least prepared. It launches this surprise attack on you when you haven’t even stepped up to the plate, don’t have your gear on and don’t even have a bat ready to swing. This curve ball is also known as a setback.
Let’s take it back to where my come up began. That’s really how it goes, you experience a major come up from whatever situation you were in, life hits you with a setback, then poof out of no where you have a major comeback. For me things were getting better, it was finally time to reduce my hours at my current job and move on to something with a pay raise, better hours and benefits. No more busting my ass working split shifts to get full time status at a place where promotion and benefits are a foreign language. I finally landed a new job! It may not be the job of my dreams but in my book its baby steps and progress.
Three days into training at my new job while still working part time at my previous job, something better (at least that’s what I thought) came along. I thought this opportunity was heaven sent but I soon learned that not everything that glitters is a golden gift sent from above. As a result of this new opportunity I quit both jobs I was currently working and took a leap of faith into this new venture. On the second day at this new job I quit. Yep, just like that. I realized a few hours into my shift that this job wasn’t right for me, my mind and spirit weren’t on board. I talked to my parents, previous manager, prayed about it and left not too shortly after speaking with my manager about my abrupt decision. My hour long commute was spent in traffic dazed and confused, it’s almost as if I wasn’t even there because I was so deep in thought. I felt like the past week I had just been wasting time and money with all the job transitioning I was doing. Sure, I got paid for the two new jobs so I was still making money regardless. But my pride, confidence and self assurance in my own decision making was shot in the process. Why were they shot down? Let’s review: I had job number one (been there for a long time), landed job number two, kept job number one and two. Then in the span of a day dropped job number one and two for job number three. Only to end up crawling back with my tail between my legs to job number one. Lesson learned: Always be ready to step out on faith BUT also be sure that before you let your feet off the ground that you’ve also weighed out the pros and cons of what you’re about to step into.
Status update: It’s been a week since I’ve been back at work or working at all. If you know me, it’s no secret that I’m a workaholic and I love making my own money. So this “mini vaca” from work has been far from that for me. I’ve been too preoccupied wrestling with my emotions and sanity. Just trying to distract myself and stay productive enough to keep out of my head. It’s like not being at work caused me to lose a part of myself (crazy I know). This a direct result of the workaholic syndrome (yes I made that up). I literally spend so much of my time at work that everything else feels foreign. Home is just the place where food is eaten and naps are taken. Oh, and as for my social life, it’s a nonexistent entity, no escape using that route. Though I am an introvert, I do enjoy going out every now and then but the reason I typically don’t is: 1) Don’t have many friends to do that with 2) I’m usually at work with my mind on my money and money on my mind. Thus the reasoning for my lack of a social life to save me from myself during this time.
I’m not going to lie or sugar coat it, as the sole purpose of my blog is to keep it real with my readers so that you will truly be able to live, learn and grow with me on my journey. These past few days have been some of the hardest for me. I haven’t truly been able to enjoy my time off because I’ve been stressing myself out thinking about my purpose and what my next move is. I don’t think I’ve ever spent so much time at home since 2016 when I was really going through it and I felt like I and my life alike were being ripped to pieces. The thing is I can’t even sit here and compare this setback to 2016. This time last year I was definitely in a much worse place, this time around, regardless of how major it feels in the moment, I know this is just a minor setback.
Prepping to Step to the Plate
Currently, I would say I’m in the batting cages, just swinging harder and harder at every ball that comes my way, hoping my bat will finally make contact with the ball, no more hit and misses. I want to share some of the things I’ve been doing just to make a dent in this setback. I feel like when you come to realize that you are not alone and other people are going through their fair share of setbacks as well, it helps. This kind of misery needs company. Just a brief list:
- Every day I work out. I typically work out three times every week as a part of my daily workout regimen but since I’ve had so much down time I’ve been making my workouts more frequent. Try it, whether it be in the gym or on what I like to call a mother nature run, it does the mind, body, and soul so much good. If you’re like me and spend a great deal of time in your head 24/7, this is a good way to destress and shut your thoughts up for a while
- I have personal/meditation time with God. I spend this time reading my Bible (if you didn’t know I’ve been reading my Bible every day for my Bible in a year regimen) then praying and talking to God. If you’re not religious this doesn’t even have to be a spiritual thing, you can meditate in whichever way your little heart desires
- I fill out job apps and seek opportunities for an hour or more. Even though I am not technically unemployed, (I got rehired just don’t have any hours as I have yet to be put back on the schedule) I can’t sit on my ass all day in hopes of the next opportunity falling into my lap. I have to be proactive. It sometimes feels like deja vu since this is literally what I spent most of 2016 doing with no avail, but this time I know it’s different
- I leave my phone in the drawer and delete the social media icons from my phone. Literally. I know that sounds weird but it helps me to better focus my attention on what’s most important. Which is not who’s texting me (no one), who’s getting engaged, married, having babies, landing the job of their dreams, excelling in school or life, moving, traveling the world, partying or vacationing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m genuinely happy for people when good things happen to them and even better things come their way. But every now and then the ugly green monster deep down within me peeks out. And when I’m going through it seeing how green everyone’s grass is compared to mine really does me no good at all. I rather just fall off the face of the earth and remain under my Patrick Star rock for a while
- I journal and blog. Haven’t been on my blog game as much lately since my first post of the year in January, just haven’t been feeling inspired. But when I feel inspired like I am now I start up a blog post almost immediately regardless of the time of day (it’s 4 AM now). Journaling is something that helps with my inspiration block. It’s also the one place where I can pour out everything in my head, everything I’m feeling and all the things I want to say with no judgment and input from anyone else. Just my secret, personal canvas that only I have VIP access to
- I listen to music. I’m always listening to music of some sort and there’s always some type of music playing throughout the house, courtesy of my mom. But when I’m really going through it, I like to put my headphones on, find a quiet place or go outside, crank the volume and just let the music be my therapy. Actually right now as I type, my headphones are on and I’m blasting some good ole tune-age
- I clean and organize. If you know me, you already know that I am a complete neat freak so there is never much of anything to clean or organize. But idle time tends to put my inner Mr. Clean into overdrive (yes it’s a mister, misses just wouldn’t be the same). Trust that when I need something to keep me occupied I find some form of cleaning or organizing to do, whether it be in my own space or somewhere else
- I enjoy the fresh air. Though I’ve been spending a great deal of my time under my Patrick Star rock lately, I still find some time throughout each day to get outside and breathe in some fresh air. Really helps me get away from all the negative ions I sometimes trap myself with and clear my head. I’m a huge advocate for getting outside and doing something, so much good can come from it
Consider those few things I’ve been doing as my batting cage practice. I know that with every attempt I make, it’s just progressing me towards the time that I’m actually ready to step up to the plate and knock it out the park. Also known as my major comeback from a minor setback.
If only this blog post had a happy ending like fairy tales typically do. Thing is, I haven’t had my comeback just yet. I have yet to step up to the plate and swing at whatever life throws at me next. I’m still in the same place I was in my testimonial, just continuing to plant seeds, keep swinging away in those batting cages, keeping in mind that this too shall pass, better days are ahead.
I know when I completely put my trust and faith (something I’ve really been struggling with as of lately) in God and his plan for me there is no such thing as a hit and miss, only hits and home runs. That’s been two out of four of the hardest things for me to do on my journey thus far, keeping the faith and trusting God at all times. The third thing I’ve been struggling with is patience. I’ve never been a patient person at all whatsoever, hell it’s like a foreign language to me. I’ve always been in such a rush and so ready for things to happen in my time because I personally don’t feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be in life (though I’m right where God wants me). Always struggling with waiting on God’s timing to provide me with the absolute best and most unfathomable things. The fourth thing I struggle with is being in the moment and making the best of it. Always forgetting that tomorrow isn’t promised, thinking a step ahead and futuristically has allowed me to never be able to truly enjoy where I’m at in life whether good or bad and just live. It’s like the biggest life cock block ever!
All in all, it’s a process and all of this is a part of my journey. I don’t yet know why I’m going through this and what this season in my life means. But I do know that it means something and that there are plenty of lessons to be learned and a tremendous amount of growth to be had throughout this time. Hopefully, my next blog post will be in regards to my major comeback. Myself aside, if you’re going through your own personal setback I hope this post was a means of a helping hand for you and a reminder that you’re not alone. Lastly, religious or not, I just ask this one thing of my readers, keep me in your prayers and wish me luck with my current and future endeavors. I wish you all peace, blessings, and nothing but the best.
Continue to experience the Life of Tai in my next post…
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