LOT Moments

25th Birthday Blues💙

This post was a hard one for me to write. Mainly because of the state I was in psychologically and emotionally the weeks leading up to today, my 25th birthday.  I’m usually always psyched about my birthday, planning everything months in advance from who I’m going to invite, what I want to do, where I want to go, what I’m going to wear, and everything in between. But this year I was feeling so down and out and miserable about the coming of this day. Who on earth would feel miserable about their birthday approaching? I’ll tell you who, me.

I was so caught up in all the things that I had yet to achieve and accomplish in my quarter of a century around the sun that I just couldn’t seem to differentiate between the positives, negatives, lessons, and blessings. My mindset was so messed up I was planning to deactivate all my social media accounts for the day just to avoid the plethora of “Happy Birthday’s” posted everywhere. All I kept thinking was how much hasn’t changed between 24 and 25. I’m still living at home with my parents, no home or lease in my name. Still have yet to find my way into my “big girl” career. My love life is nonexistent. Insert the rest of my dissatisfactions here. A good theme song for how I’ve been feeling is ’20 Something’ by SZA, specifically these lines:

How could it be? 20 something

All alone still, not a phone in my name

Ain’t got nothin’, runnin’ from love

Only know fear

That’s me, Ms. 20 Something

That just goes to show how pessimistic, ungrateful, out of mind, and blind I’ve been. I revisited a post I wrote in 2016, WOW: There’s Still Time (take a read if you haven’t already) and I found it funny that I wrote that post during a time where I felt similar to how I’ve been feeling these past few weeks. I felt like complete crap for where I was at in life opposed to where I wanted to be or believed I should be. Reading through that post I almost immediately caught the error in my ways. I’ve been here sulking, in my feelings, stuck in a negative mindset, trying to ignore the fact that my birthday was coming up because I felt unaccomplished, stuck, worthless and invisible. In my head this was not what 25 was supposed to feel or be like. Then again what does turning 25 really mean?

Reading through that post reminded me that the reality is, I have so many things to be grateful for, so many things to celebrate, not just on my birthday but everyday. Here’s a brief list I compiled of all the things I have to celebrate:

1) The most important thing of all is LIFE! Hello, earth to Tai! You have survived 25 years of your life and you’re still healthy, alive, and thriving to be able to make more memories and tell stories

2) So what if I’m 25 and still have yet to land my dream career, hell at least I have a job and I’ve still got time to transform my dreams into reality! At least I’ve accomplished one of the things on my aspirations list which was to go back to graduate school and fight for the life I want to live

3) I still live with my parents and although it may not always feel ideal it’s nothing to be unhappy, ungrateful, or ashamed of. I live rent free which means I don’t have to stress about paying bills unless I accumulate them myself and I never have to worry about where my next meal is coming from when I’m one of two chefs in the house

4) I have a paid off luxury vehicle named Lu Lu that takes me from point A to Z. The only thing I have to worry about is making sure she’s clean, filled with gas, and gets her yearly oil changes

5) I’m as single as can be. But can I tell you as much as I claim to be emotionally unavailable and hate on the entire male species, I’m low key glad that I am single (minus my hopeless romantic moments). The amount of stories I get told on the daily from my girlfriends in relationships makes me all the more grateful that a relationship is one less thing to add to my list. For all the more reasons why being single is great, check my post Party of One

6) I have a bit more flexibility than I let myself believe. I’m a full-time, online graduate student who has the ability and flexibility to take my classes with me wherever I go, it’s up to me to save money, shake things up, catch flights, catch up on life, and define my happiness. I have no reason to feel stuck

The whole point of becoming older is to obtain wisdom with that new age. Appreciating where I’m at and having the right attitude and mindset to match are the keys to finding my way into my destiny. I can’t expect changes or elevations to take place in my life if all parts of me haven’t aligned positively.

To answer the question I posed at the beginning of this post, “What does turning 25 really mean?” I can now say that turning 25 has an entirely new meaning to me. Turning 25 is another year filled with growth. I’m not talking about instant, overnight growth, I’m talking about a step by step, day by day growth. One of my aspirations for this year was to focus on being. I tend to struggle with being present and being in the moment because I’m always so wrapped up in my futuristic thoughts of what I believe could or should be. In the midst of getting wrapped up in my daily day dreams I completely miss out on all the good things and good beings surrounding me. So here’s to me getting my head out of that negative cloud and redirecting my energy on all things positive. As someone once told me I’m wasting a lot of energy focusing on all that negativity.

Taking a few golden nuggets out of my past blog post, ‘There’s Still Time’ to remember as I’m continuing on my journey around the sun:

Regardless of where you’re currently at in life and how you feel, always remember these golden nuggets:

• Never let your age determine the heights you can reach, you’re never too young or old to make it.

• Never tell yourself that it’s too late, there’s still time to change the road you’re on.

• Never tell yourself that you’re not good enough or don’t have what it takes, you have been equipped with everything you need to be the best that you can be.

• There’s always room for learning something new, growing and promoting yourself, take risks, chances and learn from mistakes.

• Remember your current situation is just temporary, it’s not your final destination so don’t give it that power or treat it as such.

• Most importantly, whatever it is, you can do it, believe in yourself first.

With that being said, here’s to me turning 25 today, February 13th. Today I pray to embrace everything, everyone, and every moment of this special day. And here’s to all the ups, downs, wins and losses that 25 throws my way. I’m not perfect but by all means it is my mission to live, learn, and grow in positivity, surround myself with positive beings, and be present in each and every moment that God gives me breath in my body. That’s the reason why with every blog post I write I always make sure to incorporate some type of positivity because it teaches me to lead by example and practice the things that I preach. Here’s to wiping the tears off my face, pessimistic thoughts out of my head, jamming out to the best part of ’20 Something’ by SZA, and celebrating my 25th birthday🎉✨🌻

Stuck in them 20 somethings, stuck in them 20 somethings

Good luck on them 20 somethings, good luck on them 20 somethings

God bless these 20 somethings

(God bless, oh God bless, oh God bless, oh God bless, oh)

Hopin’ my 20 somethings won’t end

Hopin’ to keep the rest of my friends

Prayin’ the 20 somethings don’t kill me, kill me

Just to give you guys a taste of how my birthday has kicked off, I walked in to this after I came in from my workout this morning

My overly sensitive self cried. I did not want to acknowledge or celebrate this day by any means but my gem of a mother reminded me as I reminded all of you that everyday you’re given life is a gift from God and all the more reason to celebrate. Grateful for being given the strength to start my day feeling twenty-fine in the gym and showered with love as soon as I walked in the door💕 Looking forward to all that the rest of this day has in store.

Continue to experience the Life of Tai in my next post…

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Living|Learning|Growing

5 thoughts on “25th Birthday Blues💙”

  1. Very honest and raw post. Birthdays can be tough no matter what age you are. But you’re right – you still have so much time to grow and achieve all of your dreams. Hope you had a wonderful 25th birthday! Much love – speak766

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow. Thank you so much for feedback, I truly appreciate it. And yes growing older can be a tough transition but with the right mindset I believe it can transform into something more positive. I am definitely having a wonderful birthday, thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

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