LOT Moments

Testing the Waters…Let’s Talk Dating💘

In what I like to call a loveless generation the one thing that remains the same is everyone’s want/need to be wanted, liked or loved by someone. Just one big generation full of hopeless romantics. Despite the front I put up about being emotionally unavailable, I for one am guilty of being included in this bunch. I would love to find “the one” someday. Someone that is the male version of myself, that I can spend my days having new experiences, making memories, traveling, learning and growing with. I don’t know about you or your stance on this but the one thing that’s hindering me from meeting “the one” or my “prince charming” is my generations’ definition of dating.

Millenials I have a question for you, did we or did we not invent the term, Netflix and chill? This term is literally the epitome of what is considered dating in this generation. I’m not saying this is the only thing that people do on dates these days nor am I saying that this is what everyone considers dating. I’m simply stating that these days this is what a date typically boils down to…a hook up.

Dating today has almost lost its authenticity right along with starting a family and building a home. What I mean is that dating has evolved into the fastest route to get into someone’s pants while putting forth minimal effort to actually get to know them on any level other than sexual. Starting a family has dwindled down to making more babies and fewer commitments to marriage. You know the saying, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage? Yea, my generation screwed that order all the way up. And making a house a home is just an excuse to shack up with your girlfriend, boyfriend, baby mama or baby daddy. Now don’t get it twisted those aren’t realistic definitions for everyone in this generation but it has become the norm. This is all the more reason why I believe that making your intentions known to the person you’re dating is vital. Wouldn’t you want to know whether the sole purpose of going on a date with someone was if they actually wanted to get to know you or get better acquainted with what’s in between your legs? Let’s talk about intentions.

Making Intentions Clear

Scenario: You have your eyes on a special someone. They are the epitome of a god or goddess that can make the stars shine brighter and sun disappear on command. So you go for the kill and ask them on a date or vice versa, you get asked on a date. Did you ever think about why? What is it about this person that sparked your attention enough to take an interest in them? Is it a physical or intellectual attraction? Or is it a combination of both? Once you consciously decide what prompted you to want to go out with this individual that will tell you all you need to know about what your intentions are.

The next part to this is making those intentions known to the person you are going on a date with. Question is, how do you bring up this conversation without possibly blowing your chances with this individual? Personally, I am a very straight forward individual. I don’t have time to feed around the bush and play games. I prefer to just be real regardless of how the other person will feel. Just as I am able to be real with others I expect nothing but the same in return (which rarely happens). When I make the choice to go out on a date with someone I typically bring it up prior to the initial date or during a conversation while on the date. I will literally ask the person why they wanted to go out on a date with me. Straight like that.

I feel like most people avoid bringing this up because they are worried they’ll lose the other person’s interest and ultimately any chance with them. From experience, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. People may not like you as a result of your intentions not aligning with their own but they will respect you for being honest. Don’t forget that. Honesty truly is the best policy. It’s so much easier and less confusing to just be upfront with someone about what you want, like and dislike from the jump. Yes, it may make or break a date or the potential relationship you had in mind with that person but it’s better to be realistic than living a lie or in a fantasy world. No one wants to have their time wasted, feel played or used. My advice, stop being so self-involved and be straight forward with the person you’re considering dating. You’ll be surprised that sometimes your intentions do align, but you’ll never know unless you open up and talk about it.

What to do with Your Future Bae

At this point you have two things under your belt, an interest in someone and your intentions are clear as to why you want to date that person. Also at this point, your intentions may or may not have been conveyed to the other person depending on how the communication between the two of you has transpired thus far. That’s perfectly fine, my advice is that you make sure to make your intentions known and clear to the other person at some point and time. Whether you make them known before the date or during, just be sure to have that conversation. It’s vital to the future of communications between the two of you and type of relationship you’ll have with that person.

Now let’s talk about the actual date. The biggest question following the agreement of going on a date is what the two of you are going to do. This is such a controversial topic for me because what I believe to be an ideal date doesn’t exactly align with my generation’s norms. Most consider a date dinner and a movie. In my opinion that is the most basic and boring thing, one can do for a date. Plus both involve money, which is also another aspect I don’t believe makes a date. Two things make a date, the two people involved and the experience they share. Not how much money is spent. It’s all about forming a connection, getting to know each other on various levels and having a good time while you’re doing it. I would rather spend more time having experiences than spending money. With that being said, here are a few date ideas that may help you reconsider what an ideal date is.

A date can be…

  • A picnic at the park, beach, lake, etc
  • A stroll along the beach or around the park
  • Going for ice cream
  • Embarking on a road trip with snacks and good music
  • Picking fruit on a farm
  • Gardening together
  • Cooking a meal together
  • Walking your dogs together or going to the dog park
  • Working out together
  • Going on a hike
  • Sitting somewhere and talking
  • Roller skating
  • Bike riding
  • Staying in and watching a movie or binge-watching a series (Netflix and chill without the chill part)
  • Playing video games or any kind of game

You get my point, the list is exhaustive and there are plenty of things that you can do to have a worthwhile date that doesn’t necessarily require you to put out money, and if you do it won’t break the bank.

My Perspective on Dating 

Now some of those ideas may not sit too well with some of you. Some may prefer to be wined and dined and given the top of the nines treatment. I guess I’m just simple. I would prefer someone to take me out on a well thought out date than resorting to dinner and a movie. Although in the span of my 24 years I haven’t been on too many dates, of the dates I’ve been on the most memorable and appreciated are the creative ones. I prefer creativity over the monetary value placed on a date. But like I said, that may not be for everyone.

Whether you are single and mingling, in a committed relationship or fronting like your emotionally unavailable when you’re truly a hopeless romantic like myself, I hope that when it comes to dating you are honest with yourself and others about your intentions. And that you’ll shake up the dating scene and do something different. You’ll be surprised how manipulating those two things can change your dating and love life.

Continue to experience the Life of Tai in my next post…

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