It’s My Party, I can Cry if I want to
Recently I was stuck in the feels. Feeling unworthy and worthless of any guys time of day. I got so caught up in my tendency to give guys the benefit of the doubt that it blinded me from seeing them at face value. I allowed my expectations for guys to overshadow reality. I came to a point where I was so done with the male species as a whole that I hit a bottomless pit of self-doubt where I began to question whether or not I was worth a simple text, text back, phone call or even date. I was in such a dark place that I didn’t see or even want to fantasize a friendship, relationship or anything potential with the opposite sex from ever occurring. I solely wanted to focus on who I was, who I wanted to become and where I wanted to go in life. If any male was to come into my life then that’s on God, but it was nothing I was wishing, hoping, praying or waiting for anytime soon.
Lessons on Lessons on Lessons
From wallowing in my feelings and being the Debbie Downer of my own party, I came to a few realizations:
- Dating in this generation allows one to feel like they have to “prove” to a man and/or woman that they are worth a text, phone call or date. Which is a sick illusion that shouldn’t be fed into
- All guys aren’t bad. Just because the ones I desire aren’t the right fit, doesn’t mean all the fish in the sea are dead
- I don’t have the ability to force any guy to be something that they are not, nor ever will be, so I shouldn’t be wasting my energy
- I need to open my eyes and see guys for who and what they truly are, accept them for being a lesson and move on to seek my blessing
Let me make the purpose of this post clear. This isn’t a “Someone really broke this poor girls heart” post. Or a post where I bash the opposite sex or the things that this generation lacks. This is a post coming from a hopeless romantic who’s so over feeling like she has to prove that she’s worth a text, text back, phone call, date or time of day post. This is a, I don’t have to be the cat all the time, I deserve to be the mouse and be chased post. This is a trading in the single life for a relationship isn’t worth the hype or rush post. This is a, I’ll love me till it hurts post. This is a post that not only reiterates the importance of self-love but encourages my fellow singles to change their perspective on being single.
Don’t get me wrong there are times when I absolutely despise being single. It can be lonely, boring and unsatisfying. It’s more difficult to see the ups to being single when social media is filled with pics, quotes, wedding hashtags, memes and a bunch of other couples mumbo jumbo to rack your brain with. Or even when you’re the only one in your group of friends that doesn’t have a significant other. But despite the downfalls of being single and all the hype surrounding talking, dating or being in a relationship with someone, let me just let you in on some of the perks that the single life has to offer you:
- Single life means you have the ability to do whatever you want, whenever you want with whoever you want (I don’t mean this in a sexual context)
- Single life means this is your time to find yourself or learn more about yourself; likes, dislikes, wishes, wants, needs, etc.
- Single life means this is the time for you to put yourself out there or spend some time in your Kermit shell
- Single life means this is the time where you have absolutely no strings attached, enjoy free flying for as long as you can stay afloat
- Single life means this is your time to be absolutely selfish in ALL aspects, make yourself a priority. The only person you have to worry about is y-o-u
- Single life means curiosity, adventure, inventing, spontaneity, risks, planting seeds, it can literally be anything that you want it to be
Keep in mind, I’m not here to downplay relationships or being involved with someone I’m just here to encourage my fellow singles to truly bask in the single life and enjoy your party of one, it’s only as good or bad as you make it. Think of it this way, no matter how bad you wish, want, hope and pray for the right guy or girl to walk into your life, it’s not just going to happen in the timing that you’d like because of the simple fact that you want it to.
Make peace and find comfort in being single because there are some things that you can’t control and there’s a reason that your power is so limited in certain aspects. You can’t force people to like you, want to be involved with you, vibe with you or think on the same level as you. Matter of fact some people are meant to be against you and dislike you. It can be because of reasons such as your skin color, occupation, status, sexual orientation, personality, mannerisms, anything, people will dislike you for absolutely anything! Do yourself a favor and don’t let it get the best of you. Stop wasting your energy on trying to control a situation by finding ways to make someone like or love you or concocting petty ways to get them back for how they made you feel. Start with loving yourself. The sooner you learn to do this, the sooner the turn around will be for you to fall into your destiny and transform your party of one into a party for two.
I for one don’t have any patience whatsoever but I’m slowly but surely learning to slow down, remain calm, breathe, let life happen and not only find bliss in the seasons that life brings but also how to make the most out of the single life. Being single is a season of life as well. Just as I’ve mentioned in my previous blog posts: Reason’s for Life’s Seasons and The Power Within Loneliness, being lonely or single in this case, is not something to be thought of in a negative connotation. It’s something to fully embrace. You must learn to be lonely in order to be able to appreciate what it’s like to be surrounded by someone else or people that love and care about you. You have to embrace and plant seeds in the season that you are currently in so that you’ll be able to grow from them and have a better appreciation of where you are going and who’s coming into your life. They both work hand in hand. So the sooner you learn to embrace the single life and enjoy, appreciate and embrace everything that comes with it, the sooner you’ll be well on your way to possibly meeting someone that you couldn’t even fathom being in or apart of your life.
So if you’ve learned anything from this post, remember these few points:
- You are more than worthy of a text, phone call, date, etc. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel as if you aren’t
- People need you just as much as you need them, so never allow it to be a one-sided affair
- There’s no rush to be in a relationship of any kind, remember the grass isn’t always greener on the other side
- Embrace whatever season you are in to its full capacity because there’s a reason for every season
- Some people just aren’t made or capable of attaining all that you have to offer, thank them for being lessons and making way for your blessings
- Some people are literally destined not to like you so don’t force anything. If it has to be forced it wasn’t meant to be in the first place
- Seek yourself first, find yourself and love yourself always
- When you master self-love, you’ve mastered the ability to love others
So my fellow singles, with all of that being said, have a blast at your private party before it gets a little crowded🎉
Continue to experience the Life of Tai in my next post…
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