“I’m an overthinker. I hate it. I make a big deal out of the simplest things. Create problems within my own head. Get all worked up over nothing. I wish I could just stop overthinking things, it’s only making things worse than it actually is. I need to learn to stop overthinking the little things. Too bad I can’t help it.”
I came across this quote the other day and could completely relate. This isn’t something new, this is something that I’ve always dealt with. My mind is constantly going, it never sleeps and neither do I quite frankly. Not trying to self -diagnose myself but I’m pretty sure I’ve had insomnia for some time now. It’s more than just a night owl thing, it’s an insomniac thing at this point. I can literally stay up all day and night and want to sleep but I’m just not able to. I lay there and wish, wonder, pray, listen to music, watch tv and do everything but sleep!
I say all this because recently as I’ve been going through this transitory phase in my life, overthinking has been at an all-time high. I believe a lot of it is stemming from my own personal feelings towards myself and my current situation. I feel like I haven’t completely grown into my full potential and I’m not doing anything that I believe is worth my while. By this I mean here’s my current situation: I’m a 23-year old college graduate, single, living back at home with my parents, don’t have my own car, work at LA Fitness as a receptionist and babysitter and don’t have many friends or any at all. Even though I’m not stuck it sure feels like it.
These 2 months of being back at home and going through the same hum-drum routine all the time make me feel that way. Everything in my life seems so stand-still, boring, routine and unfulfilling. Ideally, would love to be in a better paying job or well into the career of my dreams, living in my own place, driving my own car and surrounded by genuine friends and family. The reality is none of that is going to happen the way or timing that I would like.
So having to deal with the struggle between what I want for myself and reality has been an overwhelming battle in my head all the time. I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of allowing overthinking to get the best of my emotions, mental, spiritual and physical being. I just want to be free from this whirlwind of thoughts that always makes things worse. There hasn’t been one time that overthinking has ever done me any good, some days just aren’t as hard as others. I’m ready to feel happy again. I’m not necessarily unhappy because everything isn’t going the way I want it to in life, I’m unhappy because I’ve been allowing my thoughts to bypass all the good things about myself and my current situation.
I graduated from college, had an internship and amazing traveling adventure in Australia for two months, I had a home to come back to rent free, a decent paying job to keep some cash in my pockets and a plethora of potential and talent just waiting to burst out of me if given the chance. Those are just some of the good things that overthinking diverts me from. Instead, I allow thoughts of self-doubt, sadness, and negativity to get the best of me every time and send me into a frenzy of emotions and questions. If I’m not stressed out or having a breakdown, I’m wondering if I made a mistake by doing this or that, if I’m pushing someone away (or if they need to be pushed away), if I’m in the right place, doing the right things, the list goes on and on, like I said before my mind never stops.
Maybe that’s the thing about overthinking. There’s a fine line of separation between all of my thoughts, I just have to know where it begins and ends. I know I’ll probably forever continue to overthink everything in my life so if I can’t stop overthinking then I mind as well learn to filter my thoughts (ya know if you can’t beat em, join em). Definitely easier said than done because the mind will always wander to places you don’t want it to go, but with the right amount of self-control I believe I can actually have a handle on this whole overthinking thing. And maybe, just maybe overthinking things won’t be so bad at all and feel like a constant battle within my head.
I’m learning that throughout everything overthinking has caused me, the only difference between who and what I currently am rests on a simple leap of faith to become who and what I want to be. I just have to continue to keep the faith and never allow my overthinking to dip into my spirituality or any other part of me like that anymore. I will no longer feed into my overthinking in any way, shape or form. I will no longer allow it to get to me. I deserve to have peace of mind and I intend to fight to get it back and keep my mind at ease.
Continue to experience the Life of Tai in my next post…
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